There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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