I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
