saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you didnt know i had herpes?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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