YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
