So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
