we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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