What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
