cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
