The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize