you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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