Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
