it was like his penis was on wheels.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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