We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
