He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
