She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
