Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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