I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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