the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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