There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
