Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
