If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
