It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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