my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
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The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
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If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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