they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.