awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon