dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.