Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.