Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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