You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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