I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
