STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
