and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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