Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
