if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
