great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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