Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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