i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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