Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
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