so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
