I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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