Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
