god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
