He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
