btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
