well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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