You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
