Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize