I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
