how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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