I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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