Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
