Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
