don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
