So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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