Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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