There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
