I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
