i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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