You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
