He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
