youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
