my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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