Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
