We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
COCAINE IS GR8
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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