Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka