everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho