her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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