i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
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He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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