in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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