Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
did you just send me my own nude
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize