you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
