Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
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Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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