I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
