What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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