I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
