He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
