I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
